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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23166355">Perfect</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Magic_Rat/pseuds/The_Magic_Rat'>The_Magic_Rat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:00:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,804</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23166355</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Magic_Rat/pseuds/The_Magic_Rat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Crowley has been demon-napped by a seven year old girl, and that means Aziraphale needs to give Beelzebub a cake.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>121</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Perfect</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have no idea where this came from.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>
    <b>Good Omens – Perfect.</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Author: The Magic Rat<br/>
Rating: PG<br/>
Pairings: Crowley/Aziraphale<br/>
Warnings: Pink demons, puppies, cake.<br/>
Word Count: 4802</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Website – Ex Libris: http://www.winter-wood.net/ex-libris/index.html<br/>
Live Journal: http://delaese.livejournal.com/profile</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Disclaimer: All Good Omens characters, places and situations are the property of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Copyright for all stories and original characters is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent.</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Summary: Crowley has been demon-napped by a seven year old girl, and that means Aziraphale needs to give Beelzebub a cake.</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Author’s notes: I have no idea where this came from.</b>
  </i>
</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>There had been a time in their lives when it was not unusual to not see one another for a few hundred years. But that had been very long ago indeed. As centuries wore on, that shortened to a few decades, then years, then months. By the age of cell phones and the internet, Aziraphale and Crowley rarely went more than a few hours without making contact. Then of course came the apoca-lapse, and their moving into their own home. Now they were together always and were a very happily bonded couple. Even if not currently a consummated one. But that would come, and for now sometimes Aziraphale wanted to sit and read, and sometimes Crowley wanted to go see a film. </p><p>Crowley had been especially keen to see this particular film; a carefully restored silent picture that had long been thought lost. He could have easily waited for the DVD, but no, Anthony J Crowley was going to see this on the big screen. He even dressed up for the occasion, donning a dark and sinister-looking Victorian era outfit, complete with cane. He pulled on his boots, checked his hair, kissed his angel, and darted outside to leap into his prized Bentley and speed off to the theater.</p><p>That had been five days ago.</p><p>Aziraphale was frantic. He could not reach Crowley by phone, the police had no sightings of the Bentley, and there was no trace of him anywhere. Then, the morning of the fifth day, Crowley's Bentley crept home, parked itself in its spot, and gave off a distinct air of being confused and sad. Aziraphale knew the machine was quasi-sentient after long years of being with Crowley, so he asked it if it knew where Crowley was. The vehicle could only communicate in a limited fashion, but effectively told the angel it had come home in hopes its master was there. </p><p>"Where did you last see him? Can you show me, please?"</p><p>Aziraphale got into the car, and gripped the steering wheel, wincing. The car tore out of the garage and headed for the last place it saw Crowley, causing Aziraphale to nearly dis-corporate with terror.</p><p>Good Heavens, it wasn't just Crowley who drove like a maniac; the car was just as bad.</p><p>They passed the theater, and drove to a small liquor store that sold a type of wine Crowley was very fond of. The car stopped, and Aziraphale examined the interior of the vehicle for wine, or any sign of Crowley's actions. No wine, no wallet, and, now that he thought about it, no keys. Crowley had gone into the store to buy wine. But apparently he had not come out again. Aziraphale exited the car and went into the shop. The woman behind the counter gave him a worried smile as he entered.</p><p>"Mr. Fell, did you find him?"</p><p>Oh that was not good.</p><p>"No, Kathy, I haven't, I was coming to ask if you had seen him."</p><p>"He was here the night that movie premiered. He came in after it finished to buy some wine. He and I were talking, and....it was horrible! He had some sort of fit. Does he suffer from them?"</p><p>"Not that I am aware. What did he do?"</p><p>"We were talking, he was chatting about the movie, he was really excited to have seen it, he wanted to go again and take you. Then he...I don't know! It was as if his soul left his body. He stopped talking, and he collapsed. I went to him and took his glasses off to check his eyes, but they were black! I ran into the back room to call an ambulance, and when I came back out, he was gone. The car was still there and I looked all over, but we could not find him."</p><p>This was troubling. If Crowley was prone to fits and black outs, Aziraphale would know by now. There was also a good chance Hell would have cast him out for such an affliction, if they didn't just kill him.</p><p>He thanked Kathy and left, getting back into the Bentley and taking it home. Once there he went into his study and began to read, trying to find a cause for this, but then the phone rang. He pounced on it, and answered.</p><p>"Crowley?"</p><p>"Is this Mr. Fell?"</p><p>"Yes it is."</p><p>"Your name was listed as an emergency contact in the wallet of..."</p><p>"Oh thank God, where is he? Is he all right?"</p><p>The caller gave him the name of the hospital where Crowley was currently a patient, and Aziraphale tore out of the apartment and downstairs to the parking garage.</p><p>"We found him," Aziraphale said to the car. "London Eye Hospital."</p><p>The car tore out of the garage. Aziraphale held on for dear life and prayed loudly as the vehicle made the most direct route to the hospital it could, whether that was convenient for others or not. </p><p>"You're going to have to calm down!" said Aziraphale. "We're of no use to Crowley if I am in jail and you're impounded!"</p><p>The Bentley did calm down, at least to the point where they were unlikely to get stopped. They reached the hospital, and Aziraphale stopped just long enough at the nurses' station to find out where Crowley was, then tore up to his room. He ran inside, and paused at the sight of the body lying there in bed. He knew immediately that Crowley was not in it. This was a shell; a corporeal manifestation, without the demon inside to drive it. He walked over to the body, and gazed down at him.</p><p>"Where are you?" he whispered. </p><p>He reached out to carefully raise one eye lid, and saw the black eyes that Kathy mentioned. Except the eyes were not truly black; they were empty. He was gazing into a dark hollow shell.</p><p>"Is he a friend of yours?" asked a voice. Aziraphale glanced over his shoulder to see a nurse behind him.</p><p>"He's my dearest friend. Where did you find him?"</p><p>"Two men found him laid out in an alley and brought him in. We don't know how long he had been there, or what's wrong with him. We were hoping you had some insight."</p><p>Aziraphale shook his head. "I haven't a clue. I..." He paused, thinking. "I may know someone who does. I'll be back."</p><p>The angel bent to kiss Crowley's brow, then left, getting into the Bentley. "All right, let's go home."</p><p>The car very clearly, and very firmly, said "No." Aziraphale rolled his eyes and threw up his hands in frustration.</p><p>"Well we can sit here and be useless, or we can go home and I can try to contact people who may know what's wrong with him."</p><p>The Bentley did not want to go, but after a few moments started its engine and began making its way back to the place Crowley and Aziraphale called home.</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>Aziraphale did not like reading satanic tomes, but when one lived with a demon, there were times they came in handy. At least now he had some idea of what happened. Crowley was not sick in the conventional sense; something had yanked him out of his body, and Aziraphale needed to find him. Now - how to summon a demon? Well there were numerous ways, apparently, but none for calling a demon that was already on Earth. Yet someone appeared to have done just that. Aziraphale searched for days, but no...he could not find what had happened to his beloved. Right, then, time to go to the source of all this knowledge and ask his question. Loudly. But first, Aziraphale went up to Heaven. As other angels watched, he loaded super-soakers and water balloons from the only river in Heaven; the source of all the purest and most holy waters on Earth. Then, loaded down like a warrior on his way into battle, Aziraphale dropped into Hell. </p><p>His appearance was greeted with horror, and lesser demons fleeing in all directions. Higher demons arrived, but stopped cold when they saw an angel packing holy water so pure it glowed in the dimly lit halls. </p><p>"I wish to ask a question," said Aziraphale to the looming monstrous creatures. "I give you my word as an angel. All you need do is answer me truthfully, and no one gets hurt."</p><p>He could sense enormous distorted forms all around him, but none dared try to rush him when he was draped with water balloons full of holy water. Finally one demon pointed to Beelzebub's chamber, and Aziraphale walked carefully to the enormous doors that led to the room, balloons jiggling and sloshing. He noticed nothing tried to follow him.</p><p>Beelzebub was likely as scared as the other demons, but was not about to show weakness before them. The Lord of Flies gazed at him coolly.</p><p>"Why are you here?"</p><p>"I'm looking for Crowley."</p><p>"He's not here, and he's not welcome here."</p><p>"I know that. He was summoned out of his earthly body and I can't find him."</p><p>Beelzebub blinked, then leaned forward. "He was what?"</p><p>"His shell is lying in a hospital, but he is not in that shell. He's someplace else. The only thing I can think of is that he was summoned out of his body."</p><p>"Out...of his body. Somebody summoned a demon out of a corporeal form."</p><p>"Yes. That does appear to be the case."</p><p>Beelzebub sat back and pondered this, looking distinctly worried. Then Beelzebub roared "HASTUR!"</p><p>Aziraphale could hear demons shuffling and whispering all around him, but their concern seemed to have shifted from the angel to what had happened to Crowley. Aziraphale waited silently as the Duke of Hell approached his master's throne.</p><p>"Yes my lord?"</p><p>Beelzebub was livid. "WHO THE FUCK IS HANDING OUT OUR TRUE NAMES?"</p><p>Hastur looked uncomfortable. "I do not know what you could..."</p><p>Beelzebub was so enraged that the Lord of Flies shifted into an entirely new form; a gigantic demonic fly that was clearly quite capable of rending flesh, skulls etched into the clear wings. </p><p>"CROWLEY WAS SUMMONED OUT OF HIS CORPOREAL MANIFESTATION! THE ONLY WAY THAT CAN HAPPEN IS IF SOMEONE GAVE OUT HIS TRUE NAME! NOW YOU WILL ANSWER ME OR THAT ANGEL IS GOING TO GIVE YOU A VERY NASTY BATH!"</p><p>Aziraphale was slowly beginning to comprehend the situation. A demon's true name granted a person ultimate power over them. It yanked Crowley straight out of his own flesh. No wonder the denizens of Hell were in a state. </p><p>"I do not know!" Hastur was visibly shaking. </p><p>Aziraphale raised a super-soaker menacingly, making sure to aim it well away from Beelzebub. One thing he did not need was to appear to threaten a prince of Hell. Hastur began to reek of excrement, and Aziraphale did not think that was intentional.</p><p>"I only gave out the one name! I only gave out Crowley's! He killed Ligur! I wanted revenge! So I gave his name to a stupid little girl who grew weary of praying to God for help that did not come! I gave her Crowley's name! But I gave no others, I swear!"</p><p>"THEN YOU HAD TO HAVE READ THROUGH THE BOOK OF NAMES TO FIND IT! HOW MANY NAMES DID YOU STEAL?!"</p><p>Hastur was in deep shit and he knew it. He certainly smelled of it. </p><p>"I stole only the one I swear!"</p><p>"What is the child's name?" asked Aziraphale, trying to sound forceful and commanding, and failing. Hastur gave him a sneering look, but flinched when Beelzebub screamed at him.</p><p>"ANSWER HIM!"</p><p>"Cynthia Lynn Malcom!"</p><p>Aziraphale backed up as demons rushed in to drag Hastur away. He said nothing as Hell took care of its own situation. Likely they would not destroy Hastur, but he probably would not be a happy demon for a while. Eventually Beelzebub spoke.</p><p>"There are only two ways for you to get your demon back. His current master will either have to die, or willingly release him. There are no other ways. And there will still be a chance the master could call him back. Once you know a demon's true and full name, your power over him is absolute. The only way Crowley will be able to avoid being captured once more is to willingly give his name to another. Likely you. And if you do not call him by his true name and keep him, his earthly body will die. And I assure you that we will not waste effort returning him to you."</p><p>Aziraphale wondered if this outpouring of information was attached to how angry Beelzebub was at Hastur. Certainly the Lord of Flies had no reason to help Aziraphale. The angel decided that courtesy was the best choice.</p><p>"I am deeply grateful for this information, my Lord. You honour me with your presence."</p><p>"You're bringing me cake."</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"And not any cake. We demand the finest. That is your price to pay."</p><p>Aziraphale was oddly excited at the idea of making cake for Beelzebub, though he wondered why that item in particular was demanded. Likely the prince was too damn angry to think of something more appropriate. "As you wish!"</p><p>The angel went back to Earth. He had a demon to locate, as well as a little girl named Cynthia.</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>Aziraphale peered in through the window, looking at a smaller-than-average little seven year old girl. She was wearing a pink nightie in a pink bedroom with a pink comforter on a pink bed. She was playing with pink horsies, with a gigantic poster on the wall that read "I LIKE PINK."</p><p>Aziraphale suspected Cindy-Lynn was the artist. </p><p>He looked for Crowley, but couldn't see him. All he could see was a tiny poodle, her fur stained pink, lying on the bed. However a slight shifting of his position enabled him to see the poodle's reflection in the mirror. It was no poodle. It was Crowley, splayed out on his back in his most dramatic pose, stained pink and wearing a sparklie pink dog collar. Attached to the collar was an ethereal chain, binding him to the little girl. He was stuck and he knew it, and he clearly wasn't enjoying it. Cindy pet his hair.</p><p>"I'm glad you're here, Princess. I know I'm safe now."</p><p>"Yes you're safe and I'm miserable, the world is a bloody brilliant place, isn't it? I can't even have a fucking glass of wine."</p><p>The child clearly did not hear more than soft animal sounds from the tiny dog. Then the door opened and a man peered into the room. </p><p>"Bed time, Cindy. Put your toys away and tell Princess good night."</p><p>She nodded. "Okay Daddy."</p><p>She did as she was told, and her parents came to tuck her into bed. Crowley was all drama and irritation, but sadly only the angel saw. Aziraphale waited until all was still and dark, and little Cindy was asleep, then slipped into the room.</p><p>"Crowley!" he whispered.</p><p>Crowley's head shot up, and he blinked in surprise. Then he leapt from the bed and ran into his angel's arms. The little girl on the bed shifted in her sleep as the ethereal chain attached to Crowley's collar tugged at her wrist. Aziraphale held Crowley tightly.</p><p>"My dear boy..."</p><p>"I want to go home."</p><p>"I'm working on that. There are apparently only two ways to free you - she has to die, or she has to willingly surrender you to a new master."</p><p>Crowley pressed his face against Aziraphale's neck, nipping lightly. "Not sure she will go for either of those."</p><p>"Why did she go through the effort of summoning a demon? That's not easy for even an accomplished human necromancer to pull off, how did she do it?"</p><p>Crowley squeezed his angel. "Because she's a very small girl with some tremendously ugly people in her life, not counting her parents, fortunately, and Heaven wasn't answering. So she did a sort of version of dialing every number she could think of until she accidentally got Hastur. And he gave her my real name. So there I was, standing in the shop chatting with Kathy about movies, and the next thing I know I'm a fucking poodle. The bastard gave a seven year old girl the true name of a fully manifested demon and the corpse of a tiny pink dog to call it into. I'm going to get him for it."</p><p>"Beelzebub beat you to it," said Aziraphale. "Once the lord of flies figured out Hastur had been into the book of names, well, it wasn't pleasant."</p><p>Crowley drew back to look into Aziraphale's eyes. "You went to Hell looking for me."</p><p>"Yes of course I did, Crowley. Did you think I would not notice you were gone? Did you think I wouldn't care?"</p><p>Crowley didn't seem to have an answer. Instead he moved back into Aziraphale's embrace. "I miss you."</p><p>"I miss you too. Don't worry, I'll get you sorted, and Miss Cindy too." He thought for a few minutes. "I think that in order to get her to release you, I shall have to give her something to replace you. Something that can protect her from what is hurting her."</p><p>"Like her bastard uncle, who is currently in hospital after I used my teeth to pop open his right testicle."</p><p>Aziraphale hugged him tightly. "You're brave and strong, even when you're small and pink and furry."</p><p>"I'll be scrubbing this pink shit off my skin for a year."</p><p>Aziraphale kissed him. "Be brave a while longer, my dear boy. I'll be back."</p><p>Reluctantly, they parted, and Aziraphale left. Well at least Crowley was safe, even if he was pink. So what to do now? Killing the child was out of the question; she'd done nothing to deserve it, and Crowley would never go for it. That left getting Cindy to release him, but that would leave her vulnerable and she would know it. Chances were good she would not want to relinquish her protector. What about claiming Crowley-Poodle belonged to him? Well that would never work, and considering the whole reason she began randomly contacting any entity she could find was because Heaven wasn't answering, it was a shit move. Something along the lines of "We don't give a damn about you but hey you have my dog." </p><p>Ummm...no. </p><p>What...what about getting her another dog? One that would be really and truly hers? One endlessly loyal and immortal, that would never leave her side...?</p><p>Aziraphale suddenly had an idea.</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>Beelzebub was not excited to see him, his super-soakers, or his collection of water balloons. </p><p>"What do you want, you drip?"</p><p>"A puppy."</p><p>Beelzebub...stared. "A what?" the prince finally asked.</p><p>"A puppy. A hellhound puppy. Preferably one that utterly fails at being a hellhound."</p><p>Beelzebub stared at the angel for a long moment, then bellowed "HASTUR!"</p><p>The former Duke of Hell, now shoveller of hellhound shit, shuffled into view. The stench was damn near blinding, but Aziraphale resisted the urge to fling holy water at him just to clear the air.</p><p>"You called, my liege?" </p><p>"What did you do with that hellhound puppy? Does it still exist?"</p><p>"Yes, I haven't had a chance to feed it to the bigger dogs yet."</p><p>"Bring it for the angel. AND IT BETTER BE CLEAN."</p><p>Hastur went for the puppy. He was not gone long, and brought with him something wriggling in a sack, which he handed to Aziraphale.</p><p>"Where's my cake?" demanded Beelzebub.</p><p>"Coming. Finding the perfect ingredients for someone as imposing as yourself is a challenge."</p><p>"You have a week."</p><p>Aziraphale bowed, and left with his puppy-in-a-bag. Once he was safely back in his shop, he put the holy water away carefully, then opened the bag to see what he had. </p><p>Oh...dear Heaven...</p><p>The puppy was not suitable for hellish duties at all. The first thing it did upon being released was squiggle into the angel's arms, begging for attention and love. Hellhounds were not supposed to greet angels with kisses and tail-wags. And speaking of tails, this one appeared to have two. Aziraphale took stock of the wriggling beast, and sighed. Yes, it did indeed have two tails. Also four front legs. The ears, like the tongue, were gigantic, and the eyes did not quite line up. </p><p>"Well," he said, "looks like you absorbed a sibling. So you're not just a hellhound, you're a chimera. You're a multi-purpose little beast, aren't you?"</p><p>The puppy sneezed on him, as puppies were wont to do. Aziraphale sighed.</p><p>"Well let's give you a bath, and hope a little girl will love you."</p><p>Bathing the puppy was possibly one of the messiest things Aziraphale ever did. The little monster wiggled and writhed and grabbed the scrubber, shaking it and flinging water all over. Then it shoved its head under water to bark at the soap. It was not co-operative, but at least at the end of the bath it was clean. After a good toweling, he could see the hound was spotted; glossy black with tiny white speckles. He used a vegetable based dye to turn the speckles vibrant pink, then took the adorable little disaster to have it fitted with the pinkest, sparkliest, most over-the-top collar collar and leash the local shop had. The puppy was an absolute hit with the staff, who indulged it with treats and cuddles as it tore around the shop, causing chaos. After it peed on the floor and knocked over a few displays, Aziraphale took the puppy home for a nap. Tonight it would hopefully meet its new master, and go to a true forever home. And Aziraphale would get his demon back.</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>Cindy was brushing Princess, who didn't mind the brushing too terribly much, but getting his hair styled by a seven year old was not really Crowley's thing. He was tolerating the ordeal, when a soft light appeared in the room, and began to grow more bright. Both Crowley and Cindy looked, watching as a brilliant radiance appeared, and then Aziraphale himself, in full robes, wings unfurled, stood before them. Crowley's pink fluff-tipped tail wagged almost violently. Cindy stared, jaw hanging. After a moment the brush dropped from her hand to the bed-covers.</p><p>"Hello Cindy," said Aziraphale.</p><p>When Cindy spoke, her voice was like that of Agnes in Despicable Me when she was handed the unicorn. </p><p>"You're an angel!"</p><p>"Yes, I am. I'm so very sorry it took so long to hear your prayer."</p><p>Cindy was clearly uncertain as to what to do. Then she glanced over at Princess/Crowley, who was beyond thrilled to see him. Aziraphale watched the joy drain out of the child.</p><p>"Princess is really your dog, isn't she? You just came for your dog."</p><p>She didn't even sound disappointed. Clearly this was just one more emotional punch in the gut for the child. Aziraphale didn't like to lie, but in this case he could blend in a little truth.</p><p>"Yes," he admitted softly. "But that's not quite what's going on here. You see, Princess was sent to look after you until we could find you a puppy of your very own. And since you called upon both sides, then both sides worked together to find you a dog that will never leave you, never grow old or sick, and will love you forever. All you have to do is give it a name."</p><p>Cindy didn't look convinced. "Can I see the puppy?"</p><p>Aziraphale brought forth the hellhound, setting it down on the floor in all its glory; too many legs, too many tails, ears too big, tongue flopping out... oh dear Heavens was this even going to work? The puppy immediately scrambled over to the child, clumsily leaping onto the bed to wriggle all over her, sneezing, tails whipping in assorted directions.</p><p>"What IS this?!" Cindy asked, sounding puzzled but not displeased.</p><p>"It is a real honest to goodness hellhound puppy."</p><p>"What's her name?"</p><p>"She doesn't have one. You have to give her one to make her your own forever. And she will love you and protect you for all your life."</p><p>"Will she get big? Like REAL big?"</p><p>Aziraphale's eyes glinted. "Huge," he assured her.</p><p>The bedroom door creaked open, and Cindy's mother peered into the room. She stared at the angel and the puppy, and clearly could not think of anything to say. Her brown eyes were enormous. Cindy meanwhile was finding tremendous joy at her new puppy, smiling widely.</p><p>"Mommy look what the angel brought me! It's a hellhound, it's gonna protect me forever!"</p><p>Mommy stared at the collection of legs and tails and ears. "What does a hellhound eat?" she asked warily, likely still trying to process finding an angel in her daughter's bedroom.</p><p>"Dog food," said Aziraphale. "Also some raw organ meat. You know, liver, kidney, that sort of thing."</p><p>"Mommy can we keep her?!"</p><p>Mommy stared at the angel in the middle of her daughter's bedroom, still struggling to form sentences and comprehend what was happening. "Okay," she finally said.</p><p>"Do you have a name for your puppy?" Aziraphale asked Cindy.</p><p>"I'm gonna name her Perfect! Because she's the most perfect puppy EVER!" Cindy looked to Crowley. "But I'm really gonna miss you, Princess." She then looked to Aziraphale. "Thank you for loaning me your dog. She's a very good dog. I bet she likes playing with the other doggies in Heaven."</p><p>Aziraphale tried to hide a smile as Crowley looked like he wanted to shoot himself. "She does. And I love her very much. I need to tell her that more often."</p><p>Well that comment certainly got the snake's full wide-eyed attention. This time Aziraphale did smile. </p><p>"Come on, time to go home," he said softly.</p><p>"Goodbye, Princess," said Cindy.</p><p>The ethereal chain fell away. Crowley got off the bed and went to Aziraphale's side. The angel picked him up, and moments later they were home. </p><p>"You said you loved me," said Crowley.</p><p>"I did. And I meant it."</p><p>Crowley slipped his arms around Aziraphale's neck as the angel continued to hold him. They gazed at each other in silence.</p><p>"You have to say my name now," said Crowley softly. </p><p>"I do. What is it?"</p><p>Crowley told him. Aziraphale blinked.</p><p>"You're going to have to write that down for me and spell it out phonetically."</p><p>He set down the pink-stained demon. Crowley found pen and paper, and wrote out his name. Aziraphale studied it, then slowly said it aloud. He watched as the chain manifested from Crowley's neck to his wrist.</p><p>"I'm not comfortable with this," said Aziraphale. "You're not my pet, or my slave. You are not my property. You are...more dear to me than I have words to say, and I do this only to keep you safe."</p><p>Crowley walked over to him in that characteristic slinky way, moving into his arms. "I know." He grinned. "But...now that we are well and truly bound together for eternity, let's go upstairs and consummate the union."</p><p>Aziraphale gazed into golden serpent eyes for a brief time, then nodded. "Yes. Let's. After we get your body back from the hospital."</p><p>Arms about each other, Crowley stained pink, Aziraphale in his robes, they headed for the Bentley. Just before they reached the car, Aziraphale asked a question.</p><p>"What sort of cake would Beelzebub like?"</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>It was the single most beautiful cake Beelzebub ever saw. The Lord of Flies gazed, jaw hanging, eyes shining, at tier upon tier of all the thing flies loved best; dung and fermenting fruit and rotting meat, all sculpted into an enormous array of beautifully detailed screaming distorted souls, begging for mercy.</p><p>"It's so beautiful I'm gonna die!" squeaked the prince.</p><p>Hastur stared sourly at the gift from Aziraphale. "How do you know it's not laced with holy water?" he asked.</p><p>"I don't," said Beelzebub, taking a formidable-looking knife with which to cut the cake. Placing a slice on a plate, Beelzebub handed it to Hastur. "That's why you're eating the first piece."</p>
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